syukur dan bersyukurkah aku...?

always about him...i komplen here, i komplen there..but juz now i realized he xpernah komplen about me. i mgaku sgt2 syg dia, my 1st luv pun i tak cinta mati sampai gni. he is everything to me. but then he lied to me, i cried so many time, after that i put maself in d 'safe place'...i told maself not to luv him badly, i stopped maself to fall in luv with him, wateva he gave me once, i gve him 100 more times...if i gaduh skit ngan dia, i packed my things and wanna get out from this house,then he hugged me, asked me not leave him. after so many times, i dunno why it is so hard to forgive and forget him...the scar that he gave me in d past year can't heal as easy as it shows...it hurts me so...TO BE HONEST, i wish i never meet him.

                Tapi, Tuhan tidak buta...DIA maha melihat dan maha mengetahui...kerana i sedar, hadir dirinya atas hikmah...kalo tidak i akan masih terkial2 cari cinta...hidup mo enjoy ja, masi lagi jadi 'party gurl'...(sekarang pun still party but got limit..hihihi)

                sometimes i looked at his face and i saw 'alex' yang i cinta dulu, i syukur dia masih milik i...tapi bila dia da buat perangai...huhh..sumpah mati i sanggup tinggalkan dia...but now whatever happen to us i know that is plan by GOD. i mengaku i tak bahagia seperti dulu, but i'm not put the blame on him, it just me who still can't FORGIVE him for what he had done to me...i need time...and sayang, whenever u read this, i want u to know, u are the best thing ever happen in my life and no matter how many scar u will give me in the future, i'll keep holding on until the fate asks me to let u go.             

i give up

someway somehow i still don't know how far this relation will get along. i love him but to much scar he gave me and i cant 'earn' it anymore...i wish i could cry more now to not let maself cry in front of him, just to show him how strong i can be even without him. i think i getting enough of everything about him. seriously i cant stand it anymore. there are issue now in ma heart, it is either i luv him or i hate him so much because he hurt me that much.

i remember...

i remember last time i was so young and so called naive. when i looked at agun at the first time, i thought that she's live in her own world, and yeah, i thought she can't dance. time passed by, she is my best friend and always be my bestie. i remember last time in ayuki's room, KG A BLOK D. there were the place we goin crazy. we smoked there, we ate together there, i even went there everytimes i cried. there are so many memories i cannot forget until this freaking hard time. i miss all my crazies bitches...and i really do..hope we can spent time together like before...i always love you guys...

i'll burn the fear to become fearless...

sometimes i curse, i can't stop it cuz that s the only way i can release d pain in ma heart.sometimes i see people try to put d blame on me. do i care? DEPENDS. to run off out from this feeling, i swear it is hard and i'm might get hurt. in a way to release my stress, i need to build castle in d sky. it'll start with i wish. i wish, i am relaxing maself in a beach...somewhere people don't even know or care about me, so i can just throw over maself to do whatever i want. i wish i have a tattoo where i can feel d pain in ma body as if it can reduce d pain in ma heart. i wish d road all along in KK belongs to me so i can drift as fast as i want it. damn freaking easy only if i just could live with i wish. but for all this time, i just need to face ma fear. i can survive, i will. 
 after all i've been thru, i know i can face it, i know i'm a strong gurl, i know there nothing impossible in this world, i know life only once so i can decide whatever i want. i just need a courage...i have to be tough than ever, i have to face it no matter what. maybe i should get a new life...yeah i should and i'll live ma life... yeahaaaa...

what a words

i am sure all human being have a same feeling. i mean in specific,LOVE feeling. what on earth i know what exactly love is all about. all i know is i am so into it. thinking every minutes how i miss him so freaking much. stop talking about how i still in love with him. instead i am so afraid to losing him. ever thought wanna leave him before he leave me. so called PMS i think effect this kind of weird thing in ma heart. 
opss...and yaeh, i have a friend who came with a word 'lala feeling' she said lala feeling is a statement that when someone saw or meet a person that he or she admire with, this kind of happy feeling will appear. i think she's right. there are not right or wrong if someone fall in love. it is, sometimes the love come by the wrong time. (i guess so) 
the good man is created for a good woman and a bad man is created for a bad woman. so called karma. what goes around comes around. just now i asked my beloved heard a song by Chris Medina what a words. he said this song had explicit meaning and i ma self cried over so freaking many times each time i heard this song...so touch ma heart. whatever it is i hope ma love will be last forever. i know sometimes it is hurting me but deep inside my heart i willingly to get hurt as long as he loves me.
 

super welcome to me...

lotsa things in ma mind...i really need a place to say it out loud (thou am not scream) this would be foreva experience for me to keep and for share everything that ma mouth and ma tongue cannot say...WARMIE WARMEST WELCOME TO ME...!!!